Who knew I would ever be so ecstatic to be this close to middle aged!!!! Certainly not me and yet, here we are.
A little over 8 months ago, I was told that I likely had 6-8 months to live. Now, with the 8 month mark come and gone I am celebrating a birthday that was, based on my prognosis, never meant to be. Well, I’m still kicking!
Not only am I still kicking, I am doing bloody handstands and somersaults!!! Or at least I could if I chose to and I still might. Maybe after my birthday run or my birthday massage that my beautiful, wonderful, caring and kind girlfriend has set up for me today.
This would be an opportune time to address something that I have been a little (shamefully) nonchalant about up until now.
Carine, my amazing girlfriend of almost 5 years now has been and still is the driving force behind my ongoing battle and I have no doubt that I would likely not be here to share this with all of you if it weren’t for her love and support and sacrifice throughout this journey. She has been unwavering in her support and determination to help me move past, through, around, up and over this somewhat persistent life obstacle. If she ever had any doubts, she has never let on and that in itself is a testament to her character and strength in the face of these…let’s say, grim statistical odds.
In my occasional moments of frustration and self-pity I have resorted to some poor logic and self indulgent metaphors such as “I am the one in the ring taking the punches, you are the coach in my corner etc…”. I am thoroughly embarrassed and ashamed to have resorted to this kind of selfish martyrdom and I could not be more wrong. The truth is, I am quite often the one on the sidelines, watching and hiding and scared while she is the one getting battered and bloody, trying to keep me from taking any further punishment.
Carine has selflessly and enthusiastically sacrificed more than any one man deserves and I count myself beyond lucky to have such an amazing and loving partner. Not in my corner, not on the sidelines cheering me on. She is right in the thick of it! Blow for blow.
When one is determined to survive a “terminal” illness, it’s often not enough to just say “I want to live” you have to know “WHY” you want to live. There has to be substance and purpose behind your desire and the greatest reason I have is Carine.
Thank you baby! You have my heart, my soul, my faith, my love, my inspiration and my resolve to keep up the fight till my last breath.
I love you